Recipe: Turduckin

A turkey, a duck and a chicken walk into a bar and ask the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no, so they leave. Next day the same thing happens. The third day the trio comes in and again asks the bartender if he has any grapes and the bartender says ” No and if you come in here tomorrow and ask for grapes I will nail your bills to the bar”! So, the next day the turkey, duck and chicken head back to the bar and ask the bartender “Do you have any nails?” The bartender shouts back “no” and the trio responds “Then do you have any grapes”! Ha!!  (Paraphrasing Willie Nelson to make this work).

It occurred to me recently that this will be the first Thanksgiving that I will not be hosting and cooking in nineteen years.  Over the past couple of decades I have made every conceivable version of turkey – brined, smoked, roasted upside down, splatchcocked.  There have been heritage birds, kosher birds, little birds and giant turkeys.  But the one presentation that I am forced to go back to time and time again is the John Madden joke of a thanksgiving feast — the turducken!  Seriously people love this thing.  It is absurd (A turkey stuffed with a duck that is stuffed with a chicken) but it makes for a really fun holiday and that, after all, is ultimately the point.

The other thing I’ll say about the turducken is that it is a cinch to carve – it basically slices like a loaf of bread.  Which is great when you are finishing all the other dishes.  I have, in the past, deboned the birds myself and it is not a ton of fun (unless you really love this sort of thing) but it is not too hard to find a butcher to do this for you.  (Sulmona Meat Market in the North End of Boston  – great butcher shop – has done this for me a couple of times).  You are going to want a 10-12 pound turkey, a 5-6 pound duck and a 3-4 pound chicken.  Ask the butcher to save the bones so you can make stock with them.

You are going to put a layer of stuffing between each of the birds and you can feel free to use your favorite stuffing recipe.  Sometimes I layer different flavored stuffings.  One key is to make the stuffing in advance and let it cool.  Then assemble the beast – lay the turkey flat and open (skin side down), cover with a layer of stuffing (don’t overstuff), tuck some stuffing in the deboned drumsticks, top with the duck (you’ll want to remove a fair amount of the duck skin/fat – again save so you can render the duck fat and make cracklings with the skin – yum!) and place the duck drumstick meat into the turkey drumstick, another layer of stuffing, then the chicken (same plan with the drumstick meat) and the final layer of stuffing.  Sew her up (you can make short work of it using a silicone poultry lacing tool).  Flip the bird over and tress it as desired. Season with a little salt and pepper.

I have cooked the turducken at various temperature combinations over the years but have had the best luck covering it with foil and cooking it at 250° until it reaches 125° and then removing the foil and raising the temperature to 380°.  Continue cooking until the internal temperature is 165° basting every 20 minutes or so.  You’ll want to let it rest for about 30 minutes.  The total cooking time is about six hours.

The final product:   Happy Thanksgiving!!!